BillHicks-Style Soup

It makes for a great night to accidentally discover there is Bill Hicks comedy specials on Netflix. I talk badly, usually, about Netflix, these days. The amazing and rare discovery that I made, motivated me to make an impovisational late night soup after one too many Beers.

billhicks

For those who do not know who Bill Hicks is. A lot of you, probably shouldn’t know who he was. Bill Hicks passed away in 1994, to pancreatic cancer, at the age of 32. He was bluntly honest and widely controversial. A comedian with a severely dark persona. Will Melvin Hicks was on a higher level of comedy that only a few people have touched base with. And even some of his stuff pisses me off. That is how you know it is genuine. Horrible comedy pisses me off, but finding controversial comedy that somewhat gets under my skin is uncommon and unique.

thumb_IMG_7959_1024

On Netflix as of 6.6.16 = Bill Hicks : Sane Man , Bill Hicks : Revelations

thumb_IMG_7948_1024

The band Tool dedicated their 1996 album, Ænima, to Bill Hicks. Here is a YouTube link to its best song, in my opinion…

H.

This soup was easy and extremely delicious. I grilled halved Red and Yellow Potatoes while simmering Tomato Juice and Veggie Broth.

thumb_IMG_8080_1024

I threw in all sorts of leftover veggies consisting of: Onion, Tomato, Cucumber, Scallions, Celery, Parsley, Tofu, Tempeh, Japonica Rice and Garlic. I seasoned this Soup with Sugar, SeaSalt, Pepper, Cayenne, BalsamicVinegar and Garlic Powder.

thumb_IMG_8102_1024

I let it simmer for some more Bill Hicks Comedy before checking it again to realize that it needs more time. I made myself a sandwich of beer. The sandwich of Beer was simply a sandwich between two slices of Beer. I let the Soup simmer just above warm for the rest of the night.

thumb_IMG_8127_1024

There are things you can rush, but knowing ultimately that you cannot not rush something multiple beers deep, is the art of cooking.

thumb_IMG_7894_1024

I suggest any flavor of White Claw Hard Seltzer to anyone 21 or older.

thumb_IMG_7955_1024thumb_IMG_7954_1024

Refreshing.

thumb_IMG_7956_1024

I made a Daiya Cheese sandwich with two separate Grilled Daiya sandwiches capturing Lettuce, Tomato, Onion and Guacamole. With some evolved Soup materials on the side:)

thumb_IMG_8111_1024

Happy Tuesday! Go find a blood drive near you! I will be donating double red cells at noon today and so should you, if you qualify to.

thumb_IMG_8128_1024

iSalad

My excuses for cooking my life away is to obtain my most correct lifestyle and distrust of the area involving my lifestyle. My lifestyle is easy. iRide iEat iDrink

thumb_IMG_7889_1024

I do shuffle and repeat that playlist. I will say a positive mindset and attitude about every freaking thing is key to inner happiness. And always having good days, makes life irresistibly better, for me. Maybe I have my head up my own ass, but maybe I’m doing it right.

thumb_IMG_7892_1024

You can spin everything to be a good thing. TRY IT.

thumb_IMG_7887_1024

I made a simple Taco Salad. It was so simple that a picture reveals its ingredients.

thumb_IMG_7883_1024

thumb_IMG_7891_1024

I’m just a lazy blogga wannabe. 🙂 Happy Thursday!

Tofupeh Rangoon

I pictured these jumbo Tofupeh Rangoon turning out just a little bit better, visual-wise. The wonton wraps like to flop around, limply. And that is why the smaller wonton wraps are commonly used. All in all, they were still extremely deliciously edible.

thumb_IMG_7729_1024

My Sourly Sweet Sauce consisted of:

  • Pineapple Juice
  • Molasses
  • Rice Vinegar
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Tamari
  • SeaSalt
  • Cayenne
  • Garlic Powder
  • Corn Starch

The amazingly delicious Tofupeh:

  • Tempeh, diced
  • Tofu, extra firmly crumbled
  • Wasabi Powder
  • Tamari
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Thai Style Peanut Sauce
  • Daiya Cream Cheese
  • Daiya Jalapeno Havarti Cheese, diced
  • Scallions, chopped
  • SeaSalt/Pepper/GarlicP/Sugar/DillWeed

Basically, just pan-fried Tempeh and Tofu in oil before adding everything else.

thumb_IMG_7805_1024

I used Sugar/Water/Mollasses for Wonton adhesive. I baked the Rangoon on low heat.

thumb_IMG_7806_1024

The Wonton wraps contain less than 2% egg. I’d say this recipe is 99.5% Vegan.

thumb_IMG_7829_1024

Deliciously Dairy-Free.

-Daiya

tumblr_llgx0s5S4x1qeuh9po1_500

RIP Gene Wilder.

¡Salsa Ⓥerde!

Don’t be a fisherman. Be a farmer. Eat yo veggies! The amount of flavorful variations involving just vegetables are exponentially infinite. Not to mention the number of benefits that come with eating yo veggies! They are delicious health fuel that gives you nothing, but quality life.

thumb_IMG_3339_1024

I do not intend to be a bossy asshole, but I strongly recommend the following:

  • Ride a F*#king Bike
  • Drink a F#*king Beer
  • Take Quality F*#king Pictures
  • Eat Yo F#*cking Veggies
  • Have F**king FUN

thumb_IMG_3432_1024

I’ve been slacking with my blogs lately, but today, I am blogging all over yo face:)

thumb_IMG_3351_1024

It is rare for me to blend or make sauces/relishes/salsas/etc smooth. I like food chunky flavorful and with character. I love Salsa Verde, but I refuse to make store-bought Salsa Verde. ¿Comprende? I was Mexican, Spanish or Creole in my past life. That style of cooking is explosive with fun and interesting variations.

2016-05-11 02.09.47 pm

thumb_IMG_3462_1024

¡Salsa Ⓥerde! ingredients:

  • Tofu, extra firmly crumbled
  • Black Beans, cooked and cooled
  • Cilantro, chopped
  • Tomato, deseeded and chopped
  • Scallions, sliced
  • Tomatillo, chopped
  • Habanero, deseeded and diced
  • Serrano, deseeded and diced
  • Jalapeño, deseeded and diced

  • Garlic, minced
  • SeaSalt/Pepper
  • Lime, juiciness

Prep. Mix. ENJOY!

thumb_IMG_2739_1024

thumb_IMG_3467_1024

I enjoyed my ¡Salsa Ⓥerde! with chips and as a relish for a satanishly amazing Seitan (Ⓥegan) Boca Sandwich with ¡Salsa Ⓥerde! as relish engulfed by a Pretzel Bun. And then there were POTATOES.

thumb_IMG_3392_1024

EatYoVeggies!

thumb_IMG_3417_1024

Go Cubs!

thumb_IMG_3336_1024

 Apple Music > Netflix

thumb_IMG_3473_1024

“Good people drink good beer”

-H.S.T

ExplosionsInTheSky

Fried Green Tomatoes

thumb_IMG_3150_1024

Shop around. Be open-minded. Have possibilities open. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I am the asshole, here. I, for the first time, consciously came across Green Tomatoes at a grocery store and purchased two of them. And could only think of the movie title, Fried Green Tomatoes, that I never have fully seen nor ever liked as a kid. My sisters and mom loved that movie. But, what the hell is a green tomato!?! And what the hell is a fried Green Tomato?!?! And they are delicious?!?! WTF 🙂

thumb_IMG_3056_1024

Now, how can I prepare these Vegan and delicious at the same time?! Let’s try two different ways. And I am hungry. I had a few good beers prior, during and after to ensure lively creative flow. I feel like pasta and a sandwich. I felt like riding a bicycle hard and far this last weekend, unfortunately Illinois.

13076616_10153581587338359_4238469475630948699_n

Now, for any newbie (imaginary) readers, I build upon existing ideas. And that my (imaginary) readers is greatness and sustainability with creativity – a true ivity doggivity. Dog give a tea? I’ll dig deeper later.

Fried Green Tomatoes ingredients:

  • Green Tomato, sliced thicker
  • Batter (Cashew milk, Salt/Sugar/Pepper, Corn Starch)
  • Breadcrumbs/CornMeal mixture

Slice. Prepare batter and mixture. Dip accordingly. Bake.

thumb_IMG_3140_1024thumb_IMG_3145_1024thumb_IMG_3143_1024

Grilled Daiya w/ Fried Green Tomato ingredients:

  • Fried Green Tomato, baked
  • Daiya, mmmmmmmmm
  • Bread, good (Bread:)
  • Earth Balance

Vegan butter Bread. Seer inside sides of Bread. Add Daiya. Start melting process. Construct sandwich. Seer. Grill if applicable. Enjoy.

thumb_IMG_2847_1024thumb_IMG_2846_1024

PBS = Plant-Based Sauciness ingredients:

  • Cashew milk
  • Eggplant, roasted and diced w/o skin
  • Green peppers, diced & sautéed
  • Garlic, chopped & sautéed
  • Sugar/SeaSalt/Pepper
  • CrushedRedPepper
  • Daiya
  • CornStarch

Heat. Mix. Blend. Thicken.

Fried Green Tomcatta ingredients:

  • PBS, warm
  • Noodles, cooked, drained but not rinsed & warm
  • Parsley, chopped
  • Fried Green Tomato

Construct.

It is so easy to create, for me. It is so hard to make time to put into words to share. I hope everyone has a wonderfully safe weekend!

thumb_IMG_3139_1024

FlipMyBits

For months now, I’ve wanted to track my walking. I document everything else in my life, why not track it all. I wouldn’t mind tracking my sleep, also. I’ve attempted sleep-tracking before and it is extremely hard and not so accurate. I somehow brainstormed the idea of getting a FitBit. It was probably a commercial that I saw while watching the kickass Chicago Cubs dominate some other baseball team. And it clicked like a spark igniting a giant fire cracker. I ordered the FitBit Charge large in blue early in the morning on April 25th, 2016. It was a Monday. I was influenced to want to change my order to the HR the moment I realized that they were the same price. I assumed it would be a simple change.

thumb_IMG_3198_1024

And the ordeal started. The order has been processed and the order could not be changed. The order also could not be canceled. I called hours after placing the order and, I believe, called somewhere overseas. I am just a big idiot and have a wishful and hopeful mindset of how business’ should be ran. I was under the impression that I was calling to the american business, just a building where the FitBit team worked and did all of their business. I’m all about people working and I am all about equality among everyone except St. Louis Cardinals fans (I’m kidding, but seriously). However, these nice people with not the best English probably make a fraction of the average minimum wage here in the United States. And I am against that! Greed is what is WRONG with this world and ultimately the cause of me wanting to move to MARS.

thumb_GCMD7864_1024

The customer service team did OK. They gave me false promises and lagged any type of fast paced solutions. I had to refuse my package, which wasn’t guaranteed to be refused by the USPS, so I paid to ship it back to make sure it would get back home and to get what I truly want from this company. That is finding a solution to get what I want only because it’s common sense to me and I have initiative to get the product that I want. Otherwise, who knows what would get done or resolved.

thumb_IMG_3236_1024

I tracked the return and it was delivered by Monday May 2nd, 2016. I called overseas and attempted to speak with a nice lady who spoke below average English. I had to receive an email, only because I called?, to prove that I returned it with a tracking number and all of that good stuff. And no response. I called again and was told that the order was going to be changed to the correct item and shipped out. In the back of me head, from side to side and wrapped fully around my brain smothering the oxygen completely out of my head, I knew something else was going to be a problem. And I received an email stating that I must be issued a refund. I emailed back stating that that was OK. Most of the time when calling the hold time is greater than 10 minutes. I kept checking my barely positive checking account for a refund and did not notice anything. I called after work last night around 8:45 pm and spoke with a very polite gentleman who claimed it needed to be processed through a different department. The company probably handles the funds in the USA, you know because of the greed. I am not seeing a refund today. I’m getting pissed off. I’m gonna tweet them and demand management. Right now I am in a chat demanding management.

thumb_XWIC1648_1024

Sense of urgency is ideal for strong business tactics. FitBit is all about giving them a moment and making you do their work.

Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:38:47 AM CDT): Hi JEFFREY, my name is Hector N. How can I help you?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:39:51 AM CDT): i need to speak to management
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:40:25 AM CDT): i am getting angry and need to speak to management
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:40:29 AM CDT): I’ll be happy to help you
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:40:40 AM CDT): Can you let me know what is the issue
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:40:43 AM CDT): i need to speak to your boss
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:41:16 AM CDT): i am going through a giant ordeal trying to get the product i want
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:41:59 AM CDT): #10315667 i believe is the case number
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:42:24 AM CDT): Thanks
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:42:31 AM CDT): Allow me a moment please
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:42:37 AM CDT): yep
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:46:25 AM CDT): After checking on the previous cases you give us call yesterday right
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:47:07 AM CDT): yes, i’ve been given false promises and a lagging result
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:47:20 AM CDT): The agent that speak to you yesterday already escalate the case to the department that handle this refund cases
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:47:25 AM CDT): this shouldn’t be going into a month long process
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:47:50 AM CDT): i tried changing my order hours after placing it
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:47:57 AM CDT): this is now week two
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:48:20 AM CDT): Since we don’t have any exchange program we can’t give you the the Charge HR for that reason is that we need to follow the refund process
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:48:41 AM CDT): i couldn’t even cancel my order hours after placing it
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:48:54 AM CDT): Also we only have 30 minutes to cancel the orders
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:48:56 AM CDT): i paid to ship it back to you guys
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:12 AM CDT): why is this my fault
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:17 AM CDT): Can you give me the tracking number for the return
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:30 AM CDT): it has been sent and you already have it
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:36 AM CDT): I’m not saying that this is your fault Jeffrey
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:41 AM CDT): that has been confirmed twice
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:49:57 AM CDT): why am i getting the short end of the stick here
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:50:20 AM CDT): should i want to purchase the correct product if i ever get refunded next month
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:50:40 AM CDT): So we can confirm that the package is at our warehouse please provide me with he tracking number of the returned package
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:50:50 AM CDT): it has been confirmed twice
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:50:59 AM CDT): you guys have the product
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:51:04 AM CDT): and i emailed tracking
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:51:18 AM CDT): why should i have to continue to do your work
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:51:48 AM CDT): i already had to pay to refuse it to ensure it would get there
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:52:08 AM CDT): After checking on the previous cases that you provide me i didn’t find any tracking number
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:52:12 AM CDT): bad business tactic there “just refuse it”
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:53:02 AM CDT): What carrier do you used to return it?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:54:49 AM CDT): USPS same as you
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:54:56 AM CDT): i emailed the screenshot
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:55:18 AM CDT): so you guys don’t have anyone in charge?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:55:32 AM CDT): i’m not blaming your customer service
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:55:49 AM CDT): i’m blaming the guys in charge
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:56:14 AM CDT): I understand and i really apologize for this matter
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:56:14 AM CDT): i feel like they are trying to steal my money
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:56:26 AM CDT): We are checking this now allow me a moment
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:56:35 AM CDT): but i cannot speak with anyone in charge
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:57:05 AM CDT): your customer service has confirmed that you have it twice to me
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:57:30 AM CDT): this has been a two week ordeal
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:58:01 AM CDT): i gotta take time out of my days to be on hold for 10 minutes to be told various different things
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:58:37 AM CDT): or to chat with you. i need to have something resulting from this ordeal
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:58:41 AM CDT): Thanks Jeffrey
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:58:47 AM CDT): it shouldn’t take this long
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 8:59:25 AM CDT): I will start the the process for the refund
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:59:30 AM CDT): i was told yesterday that my order was changed and going to ship
Me (May 4, 2016 at 8:59:54 AM CDT): but it’s my fault that you guys can’t do that
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 9:02:16 AM CDT): As our warranty policy doesn’t allow us to exchange trackers, the only way to do it is giving you a refund
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:03:20 AM CDT): i’ll receive my refund next month? why was i given a false promise? why am i given this rollercoaster of emotions?
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 9:03:35 AM CDT): I already process the refund for 138.07
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 9:03:43 AM CDT): This takes 7-10 business days
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:04:02 AM CDT): bullshit
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:04:13 AM CDT): let me talk to your boss
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:04:18 AM CDT): do i need to call?
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 9:05:15 AM CDT): Allow me a moment then
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:08:33 AM CDT): the quicker the better
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:09:00 AM CDT): sense of urgency, a timely manner is much appreciated
Hector N (May 4, 2016 at 9:09:29 AM CDT): I will transfer the chat now
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:09:46 AM CDT): thanks hector, sorry you had to read my rants
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:10:10 AM CDT): Hello JEFFREY, my name is Edwin. How can I help you?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:10:32 AM CDT): i am extremely upset and angry with your business tactics
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:11:13 AM CDT): i placed an order and attempted to change/cancel it hours after being placed
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:11:28 AM CDT): and now it’s going to take a month to get my product
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:12:15 AM CDT): why can i not purchase the correct product with my money that you guys have???
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:12:17 AM CDT): I’ll be happy to assist you with your Fitbit inquiry. please allow me a moment while I check your information and previous conversation with Hector.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:12:29 AM CDT): are you in charge?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:02 AM CDT): i need results today
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:17 AM CDT): if i need to go further up the ladder, that’s fine
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:33 AM CDT): i need to get it done now
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:52 AM CDT): what’s gonna compensate my damn time
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:54 AM CDT): Yes, Sir I am a supervisor from customer service and I’ll do everything in my hands to assist you.
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:13:57 AM CDT): please allow me a moment
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:14:52 AM CDT): i’ve only been waiting two weeks
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:16:17 AM CDT): upon checking the information in my system, I have confirmed that a refund was already processed. It is for the amount of $138.07
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:16:35 AM CDT): It should take 7-10 business days to credit back your money.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:16:36 AM CDT): but i have to wait 7-10 business days?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:16:58 AM CDT): and then i need to order the correct product which will take another week
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:17:15 AM CDT): and you’re wanting to leave me unhappy
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:17:26 AM CDT): i need to speak to your boss!
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:07 AM CDT): immediately please
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:09 AM CDT): That is correct, that is the process we need to follow from now since we processed the refund. .
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:20 AM CDT): who is your boss?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:27 AM CDT): do i need to call in?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:53 AM CDT): who taught you guys to do business?
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:18:57 AM CDT): I am the only supervisor in charge and as I mentioned I have all the tools available to assist you with this matter. Since we processed the refund , it takes 7-10 business days.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:19:20 AM CDT): so i’m supposed to remain unhappy
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:19:20 AM CDT): you can place a new order in the meantime, however, the refund is going to be done soon.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:19:42 AM CDT): i’m probably not going to reorder from you guys if i remain unhappy
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:20:07 AM CDT): those are my fitbit funds that you still have and can’t get to me
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:20:52 AM CDT): i am not spending more money when i still think you guys are stealing from me
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:21:05 AM CDT): how do i know that i’ll be getting refunded
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:21:11 AM CDT): i don’t until i have to funds
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:21:52 AM CDT): You are getting refunded, please keep this case number for your references. Case# 10508498
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:22:08 AM CDT): You can also use this confirmation number: TUFRH655E
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:22:15 AM CDT): which i’m extremely unhappy about and now i have to spend more time trying to find a different brand because you guys can’t do proper business
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:22:58 AM CDT): Thank you for your time and patience with this process Jeffrey, Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:23:04 AM CDT): do you know how much time i’ve invested in trying to fix this problem of you guys not knowing proper business
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:23:30 AM CDT): Sir, we are following the correct processes, you return your product, we process a refund, we cannot exchange it.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:23:39 AM CDT): and again you’re trying top leave me unhappy
Edwin (May 4, 2016 at 9:23:44 AM CDT): after you receive your refund you, can place a new order.
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:23:51 AM CDT): not with you guys
Me (May 4, 2016 at 9:24:14 AM CDT): i need a company who can do proper business

I was left unhappy and forced to wait.

I need AVOCADO.