Terrifying Tofu Genocide


I wanted to have some fun with Tofu. I did have some fun. And it has been documented. I will say, grilled Tofu is now by far my favorite way to prepare it and consume it. I’m just gonna jump in… Feet first.


Srirsalmic ingredients:

  • Olive oil, all the dudes love extra virgins
  • Garlic, fresh and minced
  • Turmeric, fresh and minced
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Sriracha, cock sauce
  • Molasses
  • Shallot, diced
  • SeaSalt/Pepper/Oregano
  • Red Wine Vinegar & Cayenne powder, dashes

Mix & stir welly before usage.


SeanutSutter Soy:

  • Peanut Butter
  • Soy



Wusuppy ingredients:

  • Wasabi powder
  • Broth, Vegetable
  • Sea Salt
  • Cayenne powder
  • Molasses


So, I don’t believe I have ever had sushi. Traditional sushi does not appeal much to me. I am a rock star and why would I change that.


Marination ingredients:

  • Ginger, fresh and minced
  • Garlic, fresh and minced
  • Turmeric, fresh and minced
  • Sesame Oil
  • Tahini
  • Soy Sauce
  • Sriracha
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Cilantro, sliced stems
  • Peanut Butter
  • Lemon Juice, fresh
  • Shallot, diced
  • Molasses
  • SeaSalt/Pepper

Mix and marinate dried extra firm Tofu slices.

Tofu Crumbles ingredients:

  • Tofu, extra firm and crumbled
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Sea Salt/Pepper
  • Dill Weed



Ⓥicatta ingredients:

  • Grilled Marinated Tofu
  • Tofu Crumbles
  • Capers
  • Onion, diced
  • Scallions, sliced for garnish
  • Lemon Juice
  • Earth Balance
  • White Wine
  • Mushroom, sliced
  • Celery, sliced
  • Sweet Potato, chopped large
  • Flower, Flour
  • Olive Oil, extra virgin
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Garlic, fresh and minced
  • Sea Salt/Pepper
  • Cayenne powder
  • Cashew Milk

Rules of Engagement:

  • Saute Garlic and add Onion, Celery and caramelize in Oil.
  • Add Sweet Potatoes and stirringly saute.
  • Add Balsamic, Lemon Juice and Wine.
  • Cook down Wine. And don’t drive if you drink the rest of the bottle:)
  • Add Earth Balance, Mushrooms and ‘Milk’.
  • Season and add Capers, Tofu Crumbles.
  • Stir on medium high heat and grill your Tofu.
  • Plate and garnish. I forgot to garnish with Lemon…Too many sips of the Wine;)


Loaded Salad ingredients:

  • Tofu Marination, iBaked…defintely grill
  • Iceberg, wedged and removed from holding that door open
  • Radish, sliced
  • Tomato, graped halfly
  • Scallion, sliced
  • Rye Bread, toasted and cut
  • Capers
  • Mushroom, sliced
  • Daiya, slices
  • Carrot, shaved or slivered
  • Srirsalmic, mmmmmmmm
  • Spinach, basil-sliced


Chinese Pizza ingredients:

  • Tortilla, the bigger the better-size does matter
  • Pizza Sauce, store bought or nought
  • Daiya, I used ‘provalone’ pre-sliced and sliced block ‘cheddar’
  • Cashews, raw and then grilled:)
  • Tofu, grilled and then sliced
  • Scallions, sliced for garnish

Pizza Pizza:

  • Grill Tofu and Cashews.
  • Put Tortilla in a hot pan.
  • Top the Tortilla and cover.
  • Garnish and EAT.

I also made an Eggplant version with basil-sliced Spinach.


Relish ingredients:

  • Cucumber (4.5) @ $0.70 = $0.16 per serving, deseeded and diced
  • Onion (4) @ $0.80 = $0.20 per serving, diced
  • Tomato (6) @ $1.50 = $0.25, deseeded and deiced
  • Serrano Pepper (8) @ $1.17 = $0.15, deseeded and diced
  • Celery Seed/Celery Salt/Pepper = $0.05 per serving
  • Garlic (3) @ $0.24 = $0.08, minced
  • Mustard = $0.05 per serving , ground
  • Basil (10) @ $3.00 = $0.30, freshly chopped

Mix & have fun with.


Tofato Souper w/ Grilled Daiya ingredients:

  • Tofu, not squared, but cubed (to the third power)
  • Tomato Concentrate
  • Guts, leftover Cucumber and Tomato guts from my abundance of Relish I posted a few days ago.
  • Garlic powder/Onion powder
  • Rye, grilled
  • Relish
  • Daiya
  • Vegenaise
  • Scallions, sliced for garnish


Make your sandwich and await your Tofato Souper.


Tofunated EZ Chinesey  ingredients:

  • Ramen noodles, undercooked and drain.
  • Sesame Seed Oil
  • Sesame Seeds
  • Ginger, fresh and minced
  • Garlic, fresh and minced
  • Turmeric, fresh and minced
  • Soy Sauce
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Tofu, Wasabified and grilled
  • Sriracha
  • Scallions, sliced for garnish

Simplicity simplified:

  • Undercook Ramen and donate the non-vegan seasoning.
  • Drain.
  • Dry same pot, add oil and heat.
  • Toss in Ginger, Garlic, Sesame Seeds and Turmeric.
  • Caramelize.
  • Include Balsamic, Sriracha, Soy Sauce and Noodles.
  • Stir. Plate. Oppositely subtract Tofu and Garnish immediately.


Ⓥinston’s Ⓥagel ingredients:

  • Earth Balance, mmmmm
  • Tofu Marination, get it extra firm and braise that bad boy.
  • Spinach, basil-sliced
  • Tomato, grapely halved
  • Shallot, sliced
  • Bagel, toasted


Ⓥ Fry ingredients:

  • Cauiflower, chopped
  • Tofu, cubed
  • Daiya, mmmmmmmm
  • Garlic, minced
  • Turmeric, minced
  • Ginger, minced
  • Serrano, deseeded and diced
  • Relish, mmmmmmmmmmm
  • SeaSalt/Pepper/Paprika/OnionP/NutritionalYeast
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Carrot, stringiness
  • Soy sauce

Have fun and Fry away.


Tofempehwich ingredients:

  • Tofu, grilled
  • Tempeh, grilled
  • Daiya, mmmmm
  • Bun, gurmet
  • Spinach, basil-sliced
  • Relish, mmmmmmm



BBⓋ Tofu ingredients:

  • Tofu, extra firm crumbles
  • GarlicP/OnionP/Pepper
  • Sriracha, cock sauce
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Liquid Smoke
  • Molasses

Mix and broil if desired.


ⓋLT w/ BBⓋ Tofu ingredients:

  • Bacon, Vegan
  • Bun, gourmet and grilled
  • Spinach, basil-like sliced
  • Earth Balance, mmmmmm
  • Tomato, sliced w/ a touch of SeaSalt

Erect and destroy with your big and strong plant eating teeth.


Wasabi Tofu ingredients:

  • Wasabi, powder
  • Ginger, powder
  • Garlic, powder
  • Tofu, extra firm crumbles



Chinese Weiner ingredients:

  • Smart Dog, grilled
  • Bun, grillio, yo!
  • Wasabi Tofu


I don’t know about anyone else, but some of these terms for these ingredients are somewwhat sexual. I’m not saying that I’m not a pervert, I’m just saying.

So, I had a Sushi idea in my head, but got lazy and decided to be a meatless lover. If that makes any sense. I’m a dude, I might practice a Vegan lifestyle, but I like to eat Vegan like a man, I think. Not too sure how other Vegan males deplete their hunger, but I am well aware of my processes.

Sushi Browned Rice ingredients:

  • Brown rice, post-soaked & rinsed
  • Olive Oil
  • Sesame Oil
  • Ginger, fresh and minced
  • Sriracha
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Garlic, P for powder

After ingredients:

  • Tahini
  • Molasses
  • Red Wine Vinegar
  • White Wine, dashly

Heat Oil mixture and get that Ginger going. Combine everything else with double water of Rice measurement and bring to a boil. Cover and Coolio.


Jeff’s Sushi? ingredients:

  • Sushi Browned Rice
  • Bacon, Ⓥegan
  • Tofu, sliced long and extra firm
  • Toothpicks

Roll ’em up and stick a pick through ’em. I was more impressed with the sauces to dip. (see very top)


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