Ⓥeganism Science

Earlier this year, I turned 30. Earlier this morning (9.19.15), I threw out my back from standing up from a sitting position. My back pain is horrific. I can still ride a bicycle. So, all is (mostly) well.

 Yesterday, I tried another from scratch Vegan Burger sandwich. It was not perfect. It has been quite a few days since this blog draft started. And when you smell it… Today is Monday Monday Monday, Monday (as in Monday September 21, 2015.) I freaking love Mondays. As far as my knowledge goes, it’s not a holiday. I usually am off of work on Mondays and that has been my go-to day for 5-10 years. Even back in the day working for the Sicilians, we were closed on Mondays! Every holiday on a Monday puts more assholes in the streets, in my yard, and I’m usually wishing assholes weren’t such assholes, but once an asshole-always an asshole. And it usually sucks to have to share the roads with them.

My back still kills. I’m trying to spin it off. Today was mostly hard gravel and overall super strenuous. I feel I need a good baseball bat to the back. And I mean a real baseball bat, wooden not aluminum. I rode on gravel because it is awesome, because it’s usually low traffic roads and three because I roll well somehow some way. I am guilty of riding road tires on the heaviest, densest and brutal gravel. (Now yesterday) It was busy with dogs, tractors and vehicles. It (I am the king of Procrastinate Island) reminded me of a summer Monday holiday with people just wanting to drive all dangerously and fast. I found a Gravel Matrices in the middle of corn (GMO) country where there aren’t stop signs not even yield signs at the Gravel Matrix intersections.

I am in no way scared of dogs, but on a bicycle around free dogs (which is great) has me severely stressed and anxious of being bit, getting hit by a car and/or falling. And swimming through gravel on my 32 road tires at 30-34 km/h (20+ mph) trying to go faster than the dog while the dog constantly switches sides like he’s hunting dinner and myself constantly looking back while passing through a gravel intersection was just about the worst combination of events I can think of. Gratefully, no one was injured.

And then the same thing happened just three minutes later with a giant John Deere tractor. This dude seemingly was gonna run me over until I (I often ride with music in my ears) finally noticed this bone crushing machine directly behind me and I immediately pulled over and stopped. I gave him a good stare, but felt he did nothing wrong really, hence no middle finger. And there were cars driving on all of this gravel like it was a party. One was a mailman, but I’ve never seen so much gravel traffic.


Bean Concoction ingredients:

  • Garlic, diced
  • Ginger, diced
  • Lentil/Split Pea, cooked
  • Red and Pinto Beans, cooked
  • Noodles
  • SeaSalt/Pepper/Sugar
  • Soy Sauce
  • Celery, sliced
  • Carrots, whole baby carrots
  • Onion, diced
  • Spinach, baby
  • Hot Pepper, diced
  • Corn
  • Salsa
  • Grilled Eggplant, diced
  • Oil

To-Do List:

  • Heat Oil and sauté Garlic and Ginger before adding Onion, Celery & Carrots.
  • I cooked everything else together and Beans were not pre cooked.

I enjoyed a plate and then the next day decided to try Vegan Burgers from scratch. I named them Herbivores Outsmart Carnivore. Other than the consistency, they were amazing.


Herbivores Outsmarts Carnivore ingredients:

  • Bean Concoction, NutriNinja pureed
  • Tofu, soft
  • Nutritional Yeast & Chipotle Powder
  • BalsamicVinegar/Sriracha
  • Mashed Potatoes, instant (experimental)
  • Buns, gourmet & grilled
  • Eggplant, grilled and sliced
  • Tomato, garden fresh (if possible) and grilled
  • Portabello Mushroom Cap, sliced & grilled
  • Daiya, mmmmmm
  • Potato/Radish/Carrot, grilled for the side (if applicable)
  • Spinach, leafy and baby


Spin Class:

  • Pureed the Bean Concoction and combined Tofu, Nutritional Yeast, Chipotle Powder, BalsamicVinegar/Sriracha and Instant Mashed Potatoes in hoping to solidify the mixture.
  • I grilled the Bun, Eggplant, Portabello and Tomato before hand on a cast iron skillet.
  • Then I grilled the Potato, Radish and Carrot on the cast iron skillet.
  • I formed patties out of the mixture and put them on a pan lined with parchment paper and baked.
  • Instead of flipping, I broiled the top. The patties were’t as solid as I would’ve liked. I broiled Daiya on inside of Buns on top of Spinach and on top of patties with Mushroom and Eggplant on top.
  • I made this a Dubbel sandwich combining two patties and enjoyed with a Saison Dolores from Almanac out of San Fran.
  • It was very good and the consistency of the patty could be stronger, but very edible!

And this is where my insanity comes out to play.

I am absolutely addicted to potatoes and Colcannon. I had left over Herbivore Outsmarts Carnivore which on its own is basically superfood and added to it to basically make spontaneous Ⓥ Superfood.


Ⓥ Superfood ingredients:

  • Herbivore Outsmarts Carnivore mixture
  • Roasted potatoes, mashed
  • Salsa
  • SeaSalt/BrownSugar
  • Instant Mashed Potatoes, still experimenting as a thickening agent

This is pretty self explanatory as I don’t attend to teach anyone how to cook, just sharing my ideas and trying to take away your sanity 🙂 It was very good and very powerful!


Ⓥ Superfood Upgraded ingredients:

  • Ⓥ Superfood, powerfully
  • Water, mmmmm
  • Rice, brown and white (real Rice)
  • Radish, sliced
  • Garlic/Ginger/Onion, minced
  • Oil
  • Spinach, leafy and babyish
  • Daiya

Superman approved processes:

  • I’m guilty of insanity and having too much fun sometimes. This was very enjoyable.
  • I brought water to a small boil and simmered the rice for quite sometime infusing that rice with flavor and SUPERNESS!
  • I sautéed Garlic/Ginger/Onion in Oil obtaining color before adding Radishes and Spinach.
  • I plated the Superfood Rice and put sautéed gravy sauce (?) over top and broiled with some Daiya.

I’m truly not sure if I can ever surpass this entire process, but it kept me not hungry and entertained for a few days. And parents tell their children not to play with their food. I say PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD & HAVE FUN WITH IT! Recipes are guidelines. Do not follow them to a T. Take some pics, have a beer and ride your bicycle. Be safe, be healthy and blog off:)

(Apologies, I’m not ordering you to do anything, just recommending.)

Damnit, I almost forgot to share this Dubbel Boca idea…


Tom Relly ingredients:

  • Tomato, garden & deseeded and diced (save the guts!)
  • Garlic/Ginger/Onion/Oregano, minced & lightly toasted
  • Oil/Sriracha/BalsamicVinegar
  • Celery Seed
  • Eggplant, grilled & diced
  • Bun or Bread, grilled heavily and super diced



Dubbel Boca ingredients:

  • Boca, vegan & baked or pan-fried
  • Bun, gourmet and grilled on inside
  • Tom Relly, mmmmm
  • Mustard
  • Chipotle Powder
  • Daiya, mmmmmm


Brain Surgery:

  • Have your Tom Relly, ready. If everything else is grilled and ready before hand, life is easier to construct your edibles to be destroyed by you plant eating herbivorous monsters! I created a massive thunderstorm above theⓋ Boca patties. There was heavy winds, loud thunder and not a drop of rain until right before the climax of the evil storm squirted out flavorful Organic Mustard followed by the precise light mist of smoky Chipotle Powders and then vanishing into muggy humid Illinois air (sound effect (of your choice)), these ridiculous sentences are gone.
  • I grilled another Potato for the side. I constructed the Dubbel Boca onto the bottom (already grilled (on the inside)) Bun creating a tight seal of Chipotle Mustardation between the Boca’s. I then piled Tom Relly (it’s short for Tomato Relish, ok…)
  • I put as much Daiya possible on top of this erected edible Ⓥ tower of power and BROILED
  • Serve as hot as your (my) evil soul for inflicting cruel evil torturing pain on this plant based food before I devour it like I hate plants.

Happy Tuesday, y’all.