Vegan Paddy’s Day

VeggHead BeerCyclist      3.08

Began: Sat2025

Finished: Sun1020

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Tags: review, st, Patrick’s, day, paddy’s, Patty’s, food, recipe, vegan, craft, beer, cycling, 2015, Irish, whiskey
Title: VEGAN PADDY’S DAY
Daily Ride: Probably not today.
Man, it feels like I just blogged out a log.
Happy Daylight Savings Day!
I finally trekked on my first March ride yesterday. We (paid riding companions and myself) trekked 66 kilometers and had 380 meters of elevation gain. And yes I’m a metric-loving American. I will admit to being a geek, I am nowhere near a nerd. The accidental six day cycling hiatus did not do anything good for me. I vow to never take more than three days, 72 hours, off.
It was 6-8* Celcius and I barely overdressed, but felt it immensely in my head as I was sporting a damn balaclava. I failed an accent, but not too bad of a climb. For the first time in years, I had to walk. I only climbed like 4-6 meters before saving my head and brain from over steaming like mushy cauliflower mush from the sweat boiling balaclava and continued to ride. It pissed me off, but it will not happen again. It was the first decent ride of 2015 and I needed it. Because of a big thumb and iPhones lack of big thumb accessible phones issue, I barely caught two deer crossing the frozen Hennepin Canal.
The other day I was thinking to myself, and no animals were harmed, what my favorite beers of 2015 have been. I usually enjoy a crazy variety of different craft brews and I might as well pick some of my favorite types and then my favorite type of beer of that type. Get it? Me either.
Barleywine – Stone Old Guardian: Extra Hoppy
Imperial IPA (DIPA) – I’m a biased Colorado-born native, but from Boulder, Colorado Avery Brewing Company presents an Imperial India Pale Ale in The Maharaja. This is probably the best DIPA that I’ve ever snorted. Post 10% ABV and 100 dolla bill y’all IBU, this masterpiece is no joke. I’m already craving another.
IPA – All the damned way from Kalamazoo, Michigan, this beast of a DIPA brewed with honey is nowhere near light on the hops and will smack that smirk meters away from your face. It’s well known and people love it for a good reason.

Saison – I love a good Saison. I understand people not enjoying saisons, but it PISSES ME OFF. The style was founded on the Belgian farms. Where heaven and cute puppies were also founded. And so the best ever Saison that I’ve had comes from there in Brasserie DuPont’s Avec Les Bons Voeux from 2014. Lucky for me, I do not have to try and pronounce that.
Stout – Russian Imperial Stouts are the way I want to die. Use your imagination and if possible, I’d like that way of death to be barrel-aged. Thanks. This was actually my 1000 distinct check-in on Untappd and I saved it for a couple of weeks to savor it on that exact check-in. From the Fabulous Cali, inside North Coast Brewing Company, gave birth to a legend in the wonderful Old Rasputin. The beer I’m talking about is above that! It is the Barrel-Aged Old Rasputin XVII. It will take away your double chin, give ya a nice new hair cut and even throw some gel and style that dew of yo’s. It will give you an unbelievable confidence that you are the most important person on the moon Earth. This one is out of production, but next year or whenever, if you find one, buy two. #NeverSayDie
Porter – This porter just hit the spot like eight times. It’s not my fault it’s another Colorado beer. I wasn’t even born in Boulder, but from Boulder Beer Company brings this Shake Chocolate Porter. And it was outstanding when I found a 6-pack in the clearance cart after discovering it a few days earlier. Chin-up sad beer drinkers, this is a bottle full of happiness.
Sour – BOOM DESTIHL Brewery has always been outstanding and their Saint Dekkera Reserve Sour: Excommunie Trois was fabulous. Best sour ever!
Mead – Dansk Mjod Viking blod. Mead done right is the opposite of my cold heart. Warm this mead and it is awesome.

Dessertyish- From St. Louis, Missouri. Home of the hated Cardinals and Blues. 4 Hands Brewing Company’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Milk Stout is the “Grade A” beverage it markets itself to be. Highly recommend a try and I am hopeful to see the Double Peanut Butter Chocolate Milk Stout they have also created.
ALRIGHT, Vegan St. Paddy’s Day, let’s enjoy some 12 year old Jameson with a sip of regular Jameson as a chaser?
We’ll need the Saison or Seitan started first. If someone is actually trying this, you’ll want to have the Colcannon done ahead of time and kept warm if possible as a completely separate side dish or appetizer. Shit, we Irish, have it for dessert!
CBS      “Corned Beef Seitan” ingredients:
-Vital Wheat Gluten (hopefully you’re not gluten-free :/)
-Garlic and Shallot, diced and roasted
-Sea Salt/Pepper/Paprika
-Veggie Broth
-Thyme powder
-Sage powder
-Caraway seeds
-Rosemary
-Sugar
-Tomato Paste
-Veggie Broth

Handstands:
-I started with the Tomato Paste and a little Broth just to turn that Paste into a saucy goodness.
-I broke out the mortal and pestle and no, that isn’t a medieval weapon that I want it to be.
-Threw in Caraway and Rosemary and ground a bit
-Threw in the rest of seasonings and infused
-Infused is sometimes a fancy word for simply mixing
-Roast your Garlic and Shallot dicemembers and throw into Sauciness
-Vital Wheat Gluten is vital and so is kneading.
RAP A TUNE
-Seriously, form your amazingly weird protein chunk into a loaf and hope you have a cheese cloth.
-Wet the cheese cloth, Vegan of course
-Lay out cheese cloth accordingly
-Put Seitan in and wrap, not rapping to much and when spelling “rapping” ALWAYS remember that second “P”
-You’ll need to gather a broth. And swing it to a boil, not using the broiler.
Broth ingredients:
-Broth
-Chewed garlic, spit out
-Bay leaves, with a very long pull string
-Season to enjoyment
-Bring broth to a quick broil and after placing you not harmed dead animal wrapped in vegan cheese cloth into a lasagna pan, pour broth over it. And do not exceed over halfway of the lasagna pan or (Luigi and I are tight) I’ll send a true Italian afta ya
BAKE 2 HOURS FLIP ONCE
Corned Tapenade ingredients:
-Oily Vinegar
-Onion
-Carrot
-Celery
-Garlic
-Shallot
-PLUM
-RHUBARB
-SeaSalt,Pepper,Coriander, Fennel, Thyme, Caraway, Rosemary, cayenne
-Brown Sugar
Super chop without bodily harm and mix and let marinade for a good hour at room temp. PLEASE take the rooms temp first because there are always many possibilities and I am curious only if you talk about the log I blogged earlier.
So satanish cheese clothes vegan? Protein is ready?
As you might conclude, I was a bit tipsy. I diagnosed myself with legally insanity and went to bed.
Vegan Gravy ingredients:
-Vegg Broth
-Bay Leaves
-Oil
-Vinegar
-Sea Salt/Pepper/Savory/ Cayenne
-Garlic, super diced
-Onion, super diced
-Celery, super diced
-Carrot, super diced
-Mushroom, super diced
-Corn Starch
-Do not parch, save some broth or water
Steps!
-Heat oil
-Caramelize Garlic and then onion, Celery and super diced Carrot
-Add Vinegar
-Add Broth, add Mushroom and simmer for 60 minutes or longer
-Add Starch close to the time when you’ll need it and get to a good groovy gravy consistency
VEGGIES ingredients:
-Potatoes, cut into ¼s
-Turnip, cut into ¼s
-Carrot, cut in half
-Onion, I only used ½ left alone
-Cabbage, cut in wedges with core intact for holdage purposes
-Oil/Vinegar
-Sea Salt/Pepper
-Fesh Dill, chopped
I was going to leave the turnip skin on, but this Turnip was waxed… I’ve never seen that before. I tried removing the way, but eventually had to peel it off.
Backstrokes:
-Get all of these amazing veggies readily cut
-Place Cabbage and Onion on parchment paper on a pan
-Toss Potatoes, Turnips and Carrots in mixture of seasonings and lay on parchment paper on a pan
-Use remaining liquid/oil to drip on Cabbage
-Roast with the next satan steps. I meant satanly great Seitan
-Set out a large piece of aluminum foil and spray lightly with cooking spray
-After Seitan has cooked and cooled a bit, remove from cheese cloth and place on aluminum foil
-Now put Tapenade on entire surface of Seitan and wrap
-I placed on a pan and baked for 60 minutes with Veggies at 350*F
-Then remove Seitan and slice and broil lightly to attain that meaty texture and look
For the record, I sometimes do not wash my balls… Of spuds!
Vegan ColCannon
Ingredients:
-Potatoes, cut in half and heavily heavily oven roasted
-Almond Milk
-Go Veggie! “Cheese”, shredded or block
-Sunflower Seeds, lightly oven roasted
Kale, frozen and fresh
-Turnip, diced
-Shallot, diced
-Garlic, diced
-Celery, super diced
-Carrot, super diced
-Apple Cider Vinegar
-SeaSalt/Pepper/Cayenne
-Dill, chopped

Summersaults:
-For comedic purposes, roast your Potatoes on parchment paper on a pan, at 420*F for 90 minutes-Giving them a nice burnt char
-In large saucepan, heat oil and Caramelize Garlic and then Veggies that are super diced
-Add Turnip and diced Potato (why not?)
-Rinse in saucepan with refreshing Vinegar
-Add Almond Milk & seasonings
-Simmer and add potatoes while stirring and chopping/crushing heavy roasted Potatoes
-I like my potatoes the same way I like my peanut butter, Chunky. Feel free to mix with a mixer or jackhammer
-When at the optimal consistency, add “Cheese” sunflower seeds and kale and let sit on the lowest of heat, stirring occasionally, until ya need it. I Garnished with fresh Kale.
Plate and serve with gravy! Live a bit and enjoy with some 12 year old Jameson. Have a great St Paddy’s Day! Cheers!